Chicagonian Town

Ray Vecchio:
There's a bunch of bums in the street.
And the Riv looks stylish and sweet.
You can feel the suspense in the air rich and brown,
Just another unsolved murder in our crime-plagued Chicagonian town!

Oh, the strung-out junkies and the Mafia guys,
Are an awful long way from Alberta skies.
This is a day when the bad guys all go down!
Oh! Now that I'm armed with my Mountie, wolf, and gun,
I can take on anyone.
It's another unsolved murder in our crime-plagued, graffiti-covered Chicagonian town!

Lt. Welsh
Well, good morning, Detective

Ray Vecchio

Sir, I'm getting Fraser to help me with another case.

Lt. Welsh

Another case? I thought I had you on a double homicide.

Ray Vecchio
But this is the biggest case I've ever gotten. Besides, Benny can help because it involves a Canadian.

Lt. Welsh
All right, all right. You can bring him, but I want that double homicide solved before dinner!

Ray Vecchio
Thanks, sir!

Lt. Welsh
Oh, what a pain in the ass he is,
A tall fashion nightmare in a run-down Riv.

He'd drive a lesser LT to break down!
He was bad enough working alone,
Now he's got Fraser like a do-gooder clone.
I can't believe I live in this crime-plagued, graffiti-covered Chicagonian town

Ray Vecchio
Hey, can Benny come a work with me? It's important and involves Canadians.

Meg Thatcher
If it involves Canadians...FRASER!!

Benton Fraser
Uh...I mean...uh

Ray Vecchio
Benny, there's a creep out there killing Canadians.

Benton Fraser
Let me get my hat, Ray.

Meg Thatcher
Fraser, don't forget you have guard duty!

Benton Fraser
But Inspector, people are killing Canadians.

Meg Thatcher
Fine, you go ahead and skip guard duty, and when the Consulate is overrun by hoards of revolutionaries you can explain IT TO THE QUEEN!!!

Benton Fraser
All right.

Ray Vecchio
You can see my j'ne sais quoi in my walk,
And tell I'm not Canadian by my talk.
I'm so afraid this guy might take my Benny down!

Benton Fraser
Why would anyone want us dead?
Is it just for our floppy heads?

Ray Vecchio
Don't know!

It's another unsolved, very strange murder in our crime-plagued, graffiti-covered, rudely peopled Chicagonian town!

Frannie Vechhio
Hello there, Fraser.

Ray Vecchio
Aw, Frannie, leave him alone.

Benton Fraser
Franscesca, someone is killing Canadians. We have to go now.

Frannie Vecchio
Can't I come along?

Ray Vecchio
Aw...Run off and play like a good girl.

Frannie Vecchio
Look at that super gorgeous hunk, it really gets me down.
I've got nice skin and tight skirt today.
At least he could give me a good roll in the hay.
That's why I hang around this crime-plagued, graffiti-covered, rudely peopled Chicagonian town!

Ma Vecchio
Raymondo, I see you've brought your little friend.

Whoof? Whoof! Whoof!

Ray and Benny
Off to the crime scene we will go
To use skills learned on the streets and snow!
'Cause in television land the clues are always to be found!
And this murder's gonna make our lives complete,
'Cause being heroes sure is sweet.
It's another unsolved, very strange, pun-filled murder in our crime-plagued, graffiti-covered, looks like Toronto but don't be fooled it's the U - S - A!!!!!

Benton Fraser
Ray, can I have a ride back home when we're done?

Ray Vecchio

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